Mothers and fathers use their time differently, with women spending roughly twice as many hours on family labor as men. But what about the gendered differences in the ways women and men think? What鈥檚 on Her Mind provides an illuminating look at the cognitive labor that families depend on and reveals why this essential aspect of family life is disproportionately handled by women鈥攅ven in couples that aspire to practice equality.
While most accounts of household labor center on how people use their time, Allison Daminger focuses on a less visible and less easily quantifiable aspect of family life. She introduces readers to the concept of cognitive labor鈥攁nticipating, researching, deciding, and following up鈥攁nd shows how women in different-gender couples do most of this critical work. She argues that cognitive labor has less to do with personality traits鈥攆or example, she鈥檚 type A while he鈥檚 laid-back鈥攁nd more to do with learned skills that men and women deploy in distinct ways. Yet not all couples fall into the personality trap. Daminger looks at different-gender couples who achieve a more balanced cognitive allocation while also exploring how queer couples carve out unique relationships to the gender binary.
Drawing on original, in-depth interviews with members of different- and same-gender couples, What鈥檚 on Her Mind points to new ways of understanding the interplay between who we are as individuals and the cognitive work we do on behalf of our families.
Allison Daminger is assistant professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin–Madison. Her work has been featured in leading publications such as the New York Times, the Guardian, Psychology Today, and the Atlantic.
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"It is exactly [the] notion of how gender is embedded in our minds that Daminger’s What’s on Her Mind tackles, helping readers understand how couples negotiate the mental load of family life. . . . Daminger points us to the importance of centering the mental load in our discussions and not dismissing it as a ‘woman’s issue,’ carefully articulating why having women bogged down in worries about lost socks and dirty dishes is a problem for everyone."鈥擫eah Ruppanner, Science
"Daminger鈥檚 work goes beyond the typical Fair Play conversation. She is most interested in the invisible work required to keep the family running, the cognitive labor that, for the most part, women are responsible for in heterosexual relationships. . . . Daminger does an incredible job of laying out the different components of cognitive labor and names that anticipating issues and monitoring results are some of the most laborious components (high burden, she calls it) but with less obvious benefits."鈥擟indy DiTiberio, The Mother Lode
"An informative analysis. . . . Daminger demonstrates that although many Americans endorse gender equality, a substantial majority of women do most of the cognitive (and more than their fair share of the physical) work. She explains why and suggests how a more balanced allocation of responsibilities might be achieved."鈥擥lenn C. Altschuler, Psychology Today
"What鈥檚 on Her Mind is a succinct and enjoyable book. Daminger writes well and thoughtfully explains her research."鈥擝onnie Kristian, Christianity Today
“What’s on Allison Daminger’s mind? It’s cognitive labor, her term for a vital form of housework we all do but hadn’t named until this pathbreaking work. Through captivating research with diverse couples, Daminger shows that gender equality will remain elusive until we attend to mind use in housework. Already it feels like a classic.”—Caitlyn Collins, author of Making Motherhood Work: How Women Manage Careers and Caregiving
“What’s on Her Mind is an essential contribution to our ongoing conversation about household work and gender norms. Daminger is remarkably successful in documenting cognitive labor through mind-use journals and, importantly, how it feels to be the cognitive laborer. By including queer and nontraditional couples, she brings important stories and perspectives to a typically heteronormative research space.”—Kate Mangino, author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home
“Allison Daminger breaks new ground in revealing the sources and consequences of gender inequality by introducing us to the invisible but essential work of cognitive labor. An indispensable guide through the uncharted territory where couples decide who should carry the mental load of identifying and addressing their families’ needs.”—Kathleen Gerson, author of The Unfinished Revolution: Coming of Age in a New Era of Gender, Work, and Family
“This book reveals how cognitive labor—planning, organizing, remembering—has long been placed on certain shoulders more than others. What’s on Her Mind doesn’t just highlight the problem—it points to solutions to help couples have meaningful conversations and build fairer partnerships. A fascinating and necessary read for anyone looking to understand the hidden forces shaping their daily lives, this book will change how you think about mental labor—and who’s really doing it.”—Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live)
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